Children and divorce
Divorce is stressful for parents and children alike. Although a child’s emotional reactions usually depend on their age at the time of the divorce, many experience feelings of sadness, anger, and anxiety - and it's not uncommon for these feelings to be expressed in their behavior. Often, the child's emotional reaction can be quite different than the parent's, and it's important to understand these differences. For example, a parent may feel a sense of relief that a difficult period is coming to some resolution, whereas the child may feel a sense of loss.
As soon as you're certain of your plans, talk to your child about your decision to divorce. Although there's no easy way to break the news, both parents should be present when a child is told, and feelings of anger, guilt, or blame should be left out of the conversation.
When it comes to answering questions about your divorce, it's important to give your child enough information so that they're prepared for the upcoming changes in their lives but not so much that it frightens them.
Try to keep feelings neutral and answer your child's questions in an age-appropriate way and as truthfully as possible. Most children are concerned with how the divorce will affect them:
- Who will I live with?
- Will I move?
- Where will mum or dad live?
- Will I go to a new school?
- Will I still get to see my friends?
Remember that children don't need to know all the details; they just need to know enough to understand clearly that although divorce means separating from a spouse, it doesn't mean parents are divorcing their children.
How is child maintenance determined?
The court takes several different factors into account when deciding how much money each parent should contribute to the welfare and well-being of their children. Calculating child maintenance can be relatively straight-forward; based upon assets, earnings, and what is needed to live on. Usually child maintenance is determined by reference to the Child Support Agency guidelines.
The expenses of the non-resident parent are taken into consideration when the court is deciding upon child maintenance. They consider essential living expenses for the non-resident parent, like food and utility bills. This calculation takes into account any dependent children that may be living with the non-resident parent. For example, if the non-resident parent has his or her own children from another relationship living with him or her, then the essential needs of these children are also taken into account. The mortgage or rent is also considered an essential expense as long as the non-resident parent and/or his or her new partner are the homeowner. If agreement is not reached then a referal can be made to the Child Support Agency.
Once the Child Support Agency has determined the amount of money needed to survive, it deducts that money from any earnings. Also deducted is the money paid in taxes, national insurance, and up to half of any pension contribution. After all of these things are deducted, what is left is what the Child Support Agency calls disposable income. Please see CSA website for further details.
Child maintenance is payable until the children are at the very least, 16 years old. If there are several children and one is over 16 and the rest are not, child maintenance is still owed for the children who are under 16. As each child progresses to the age of 16, the child maintenance payments will be reduced accordingly until all the children are of age.
